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But then—success! Someone “likes” me and asks me out within three messages. He’s into photography and makes his own pasta—and he is an Adonis. We have a short phone call, as Hoffman recommends, to set something up. His voice is velvety, but I’m skeptical. That’s online dating: You meet the freakazoids and think, This is the worst. You find someone great and think, Am I going to be on the next episode of Catfish?
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“When choosing a profile photo, look for a picture in which you have a genuine — not forced — smile and a slight tilt of the head. Research has found that both of these features are related to positive first impressions. Also, if you’re planning to include a group photo on your profile, go for pictures where you’re in the middle and everyone looks like they’re having a good time. After all, you want to give the impression that you’re someone people like to be around.” —Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and author of the “Sex and Psychology” blog.
On the Internet, it’s easy to feel nitpicky and maintain high expectations. With apps like Tinder, you snap-judge users as if you were scrolling Amazon for the best pair of speakers. This sense of being in the driver’s seat, of choosing, can be appealing. It makes you feel powerful. Fight it. If what you want is a real connection — a relationship with a person you hope to love and who will love you — you will have to bring your most mature and empathetic self to the project. That means not saying, “Eh, she’s cute — but I prefer brunettes to blondes. Next!” You’d never behave this way in person, so don’t do it online.
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